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elmittil

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Kind of don't want to sleep yet. And you're in the sauna, so I write in stead [31 Jul 2009|03:36pm]
 I have just been to a small small local Japanese summer festival! Mys mys mys! Little bit of japanese fast food: dengo mochi - japanese kneaded rice balls fried and dipped in soy sauce. I wish they'd sell this in sweden. Along with asian backed traditional sweets. And bottled green tea. And crazy stickers. And bento boxes. And furoshiki. And kimono fabrics. And pattern books. And dried seaweeds. And shizo. And pickeled plum crackers. And yes, lots of other things.
At local summer festivals in Japan local people get together and have fun together. Meaning eating together at long tables, and dancing folk dances together, young and old, men and women, to traditional music and singing. So nice! I even danced with them and learned some dances. Some oba-san came forward and tried to talk to me. She said I was very tall. I said I am small in the country I'm coming from. She said that she was 80, but still funny. Yes indeed. Then I spotted her dancing next to me. 
A woman that stayed at the family's I live with lodging, send me her old furoshiki. Damn, I am not going to get in in time. It might arrive here on wednesday, when I will be already happily in Sweden. Well, I will ask it to be sent forward with some shizo seeds. Maybe maybe. But she was so nice. She works with light therapy and meditation. Has long eyelashes and kind voice. We were sitting at the onsen and talking about differences in culture, positive sides of religious fenomena. I am 1 year older then her oldest daughter. She asked me to let her know next time I come to Tokyo. I love traveling and meeting people like her!
Ahhh... Tomorrow is going to be a long day. Last day in Kashimo, finishing up with the pictures, packing bags, drawing a birch in the toilet... gotta go to sleep, gotta go to sleep 
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Jag har gått vilse [24 Jul 2009|02:25pm]
 I mitt eget hår, känns det som. Håret lämnar mig, tom. Kanske gillar inte japans mat. Kanske av ren solidaritet. Snällt av det då, men jag skulle gärna vilja behålla det dock.
Jag har förlorat min själv i Japan. Jag fotar inte, jag tänker inte. Jag längtar knappt, jag känner knappt längtan. Jag känner knappt glädjen. Jag hoppas att när jag kommer hem kommer jag hitta mig själv igen. Men igentligen kommer jag hitta dig. Vår hade jag tagit vägen då?

CD 9 av Richard Dawkins The God Delusion. I stilen med hans uttalanden borde jag ta ansvaret för mitt liv och börja deala med det. Fan! Som vanligt. Det kommer nog aldrig nån och fixar allt. suck. 

Göteborg till hösten. Fotoskolan. Anna och Peter och Suany och alla. Och foto. Bara ord så länge. Jag har ett kort skärpedjup - några cm ifrån nuet försvinner allt. Fast det är vackert det också.

Puss. Jag försvinner i morgondagen.
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[06 Jul 2009|11:22am]
And the bus takes me further away from you with every passing secon. You face passes me in the window and disapears out of sight. 90 km/h. 140 km/h, train. who knows how many km/h, train. Further and further away I go and the bond between us stretches, a thin red thread. I can see it circling soon through half of the globe.
I miss you already.
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[05 Jun 2009|06:13pm]
 There it goes.  The school is closed, the time is up, everybody is packing. 
I am not sad. I had a good time. I met good people. And they still will be there. SOme closer some further away. 
I git in at HFF. I went to Bergen. I've lost some, I've gained lots, and this I'm taking with me. 
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I don't [05 May 2009|11:56am]
Intimidation and power prove to be rather attractive. being a subject of interest to someone.. "important" is rather fluttering. However, would I want to be a subject to to the power, would I want to be intimidated myself? No, only if I'm just as powerful and intimidating myself. But then the balance is broken. The only way power can be really attractive is the respect and responsibility it should come with. Oh, but where does one find such a rare brew?
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[01 May 2009|11:27pm]
Home alone. My darling gone. Some memories make me sick with fear.


Psst: my new website is coming up next week: annakovalieva.com. keep your eyes peeled.
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[27 Apr 2009|03:51pm]
gotta go to work, gotta go to work, gotta have a job

waiting. ticking. thinkening.



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[09 Apr 2009|02:19pm]
blev helt tagen



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Air [09 Apr 2009|11:45am]
Give me! My lungs are bursting with growing flowers. Skin itches with sprouting grass. I feel insects crawling my back and arms. I fall from the sky like a bird, my head is dizzy.
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connected [08 Apr 2009|10:36pm]
I'm connected. I'm online. Signed in. On Flickr, facebook. Vkontakte, odnoklassniki. Gmail. Skype. MsnMessenger. Am I really that lonely?
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when it is silent [08 Apr 2009|09:51am]
To want to be like someone else. On those pictures. In those drawings. Very much like someone else. To walk like someone else. To look like someone else. Hold someone else's hand and swim in their sea. Why is being me so boring-
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skjärttroll [03 Apr 2009|05:11pm]
I have a troll. He lives on my bottom. A bottom troll - skjärttroll.



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Sometimes, nothing’s better than something [30 Mar 2009|04:06pm]
The sun is out. The smile is out. The skin's out. YEAH
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n31 [19 Mar 2009|12:19am]
We are moving from point A to point B. All the time, almost. Sometimes I just take a walk withought going anywhere in particular. Sometimes I go somewhere in particular, but the bus is taking a walk. Or so it seems to me. And so it seems for a time much longer then I could both afford and anticipate.
 When the final destination on the bus is the one where I am going I usually expect things to go as usual. I just sit there and... watch the bus taking a wrong turn over and over again, abd it rolls up and it rolls down, And there are trees and fields and small houses with cats of all sizes. Even a very abandoned factory, or so it seems. And all of this rolls outside the window and all I can do is to look at the clock and hope that the next turn will be the right one. I go from surprize, to hope, to disappointment and allmost at once to numbness. FEELING ANYTHING in such a situation won't help anything. I just have to dive into the void of lost time(the place where all hairpins and tears go) and float there, be lost like all lost things untill the point B will finally find me.

Bonus.

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И дерева там больше нет [16 Mar 2009|11:34am]
Меня там нет. Я ушла. Я не хотела оборачиваться. Не смотреть назад. Как будто то настоящее морало и пачкало мои мысли, пеленой ложилось на глаза. У меня в груди бьется птица, и чтобы научиться летать я должна быть легкой и независимой. А то время – камень на щиколотке.
Дерево со старой фотографии ожило в моей памяти. Теперь там только плитка, железная, хоть и витая, решетка, и новая штукатурка. Дерево, большое и тенистое, пустило корни в прошлое, и мне уже не так страшно оглянуться назад. Но только в то время, когда мы все были невинны и испачканы разве что песком и землей. Все остальное по–прежнему должно остаться под замком.
Девочки с цветами и передниками выбросили куклы и сменили банты на фату. Они все вычодят замуж и мне становиться страшно. Мое детство слишком невинно для свадеб. Я не могу себе представить Ксюшу, ныряющую под одеяло к мужу в конце каждого дня. Как Наташа гуляет в парке с музчем под руку. Как Марина несет домой сумки с продуктами. Еще одна Марина должно быть сидит вечерком и ужинает с мужем. Широко открытые глаза покрыты тенями и тушью, маленькие руки с короткими ногтями гладят мужские бедра, детские ноги обременены туфлями и танцами, их маленькие симпатичные головки наполнены деньгами, одеждой, посудой и планами. Я не видела, как они росли и взрослели, поэтому мысли о их замужних жизнях оскорбляют мои воцпоминания о них. Я не могу смириться с их настоящим. Даже если мне до них нет никакого дела. Мы даже никогда не были друзьями.
Под тенью дерева тень прошлого заманчивее настоящего.
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[12 Mar 2009|05:43pm]
Let's get this party started right,
Let's Get drunk and freaky fly,
You with me so its alright,
We gonna stay up the whole night

It's thursday, Which means that it's full 50 hours till the party starts. All the pretto's and wannabee pretto's are gathering forces this saturday. I am actually looking forward to it. Aha

bonus picture

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[06 Mar 2009|10:24am]
A little bit more love. Always a little bit more of him. Any time of the day.  More, at least one tiny bit.

on the trai to berlin. A journey almost forgotten right now. But it still comes out. One way or another.

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[19 Feb 2009|12:48pm]
Cold winter. Dry air. Sun is liking skin with sticky spiky tongue.

 

 
My breath is rolling on my tongue, falling out - a crumpled beats of my heart stuck with a glue that's holding my fingers together

 


Flowers, sweet flowers. Doves with broken wings. Fish in frozen ponds. The sun's slime is trickling behind my ear, down my collar.

 

The weight of my body, born by alien feet. My legs are not there. I'm gliding over the ice. Hidden razor edges. Weightless weight. Crushing, crushing, crushing. The mourning must be preserved.
 

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[17 Feb 2009|05:01pm]
I just want to be your friend. Like someone would like to love you, just as much. But no word i say is what you want to hear and the warm coverture of my heart would not bring you into my hands. I wish to give and you walk past my outstretched hand. I can't even be angry with you. I just feel a loss of something I didn't have. From the beginning.
Forget
forget
forget
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[16 Feb 2009|04:38pm]
I am so ordinary

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